RULE No.1 (More importantly: Alloy Ark)

The rules are, you never do stand-up at a music/comedy night. I have learnt this the very, very hard way. Tonight I played Ace of Clubs at Monkey Chews in Camden put on by the very hospital Lewis and Jenny. And as much as the adage still rings true, I had a lovely gig, did about 25 minutes and got to see the superlative band comprised of Dani and Doug,

ALLOY ARK

Spectacular and beautiful

At best, a quarter of the audience listened to us, but good God they are wonderful

I spent 20 of my minutes telling a man I would make love to his face till he cried spunk tears before moving on to 2 hot, blonde girls who I described making the business with being like getting lost in a heavenly, golden shag pile carpet for sexy days. They have become 'fans' and joined my 'groups'. I love my job. And I did actually do some jokes, not just weirdly flirt

But... I would be a happy man to fall into obscurity if it meant Alloy Ark got as big as they deserve to be

Seminal