CATS

We now have two cats. They were called Coco and The Bear. I can't use either of these names. Coco sounds racist and/or cerealy and my Mum and Dad refer to one another as Little Bear and Big Bear, respectively, when they are particularly happy. Luckily, they don't respond to anything, so names seem irrelevant - Like having someone's phone number who'll never answer. (I mean names seem irrelevant for the cats, names are useful for my parents at Christmas and sexy times).To date, they have only been to the toilet in their cat toilet. Bonus. (Again, this isn't referring to my Mum and Dad, who have never defecated in the litter tray)

One is a lady 'ragdoll' and the other is a classic, black, boy cat. I mainly call her 'Lady' and him, 'Boy'. It seems as effective as anything else. (This is still not about my folks, they will not be mentioned again in this blog. Promise)

They are about one and a half years old, human years. Balls to this 'cat years' nonsense. When cats start to write songs, make penicillin and bake pastry they can have their own time frame, till then...

So far, it appears they do nothing, all day. And thus make me constantly tired. They look so happy sleeping, and when they moved in, it felt like the good-host thing to do - Nap with them. I have found napping very habit forming. I fear soon I may get hooked and get into 40 winks, siestas and then it's the slippery slope to big sleeps. 24 hour big sleeps. Which is worse than anything Raymond Chandler could have imagined.When they first arrived they didn't like each other at all. They didn't hate one another, either. There was total indifference. Which is very scary to watch and made me sad. It was like when you get on a tube carriage, and although you're very close to people, you agree to ignore one another. This is fine, there's not enough time to have an ice-breaker, relationship defining moment, heart to heart and farewell with everyone you meet between Caledonian Road and Oxford Circus. You'd never have time to read the free papers. But if you knew you were going to have to live on that tube carriage, with those people, for the rest of your (human) years, I reckon you'd make the effort. Now the cats wander about together and mainly sleep touching each other. That makes me happy.

I think this must be similar to being a parent. Happily cleaning-up their spilt food, euphorically combing poo out of their hair, giggling as they bite your eye. Thinking you know what their noises mean - When they're tired, or hungry or it's time for our obligatory half-hourly nap. Before realising it's involuntary noises, squeezed out of your beloved by over-petting.

I hope for everyone's sake that the cats continue to function and keep me from wanting/having to upgrade to a human child too soon.

In summation, I love these cats more than I have probably loved anything. (Including some parents)